“I Just Need You to Be Yourself”

As a Black man working in education, Marquin has often found himself navigating spaces where he was one of very few people who shared his lived experience.

He describes years of learning how much of himself felt safe to bring into professional spaces. He could be present, contribute, and do his job well while still maintaining a certain distance.

“I was there, I was doing the job, I did it effectively, but sometimes it was at a distance to protect myself.”

Southfield began to change that.

“The people who were there made me feel comfortable,” he remembers. “They made me feel like I was important, someone that they wanted. I was invited into the larger and smaller parts of the community. Previously, I might eat alone and recharge my batteries for the rest of the day. After the invitations, I found fellowship with others who might share meals, stories, laughter, and understanding. Through the development of those relationships, I found a deeper sense of belonging.”

Then, when he arrived at TEL’s retreat at Stony Point, he asked his mentor and TEL alum Paula Lighsey what he should do.

Her answer was simple:

“Marquin, I just need you to be yourself.”

Those words became an invitation.

“It pushed me to be present, to be vulnerable, to question, to ask questions. To be questioned and answer those questions.”

Being fully himself did not mean avoiding discomfort. In fact, it better equipped him to experience conflict without withdrawing. Instead, Marquin continues to remain present and engaged. 

"Being me, and being told and freed to be me, allows me to deal with discomfort in a manner that has me approaching what it’s like to build beloved community right in front of my eyes.”

And when his vulnerability was met with compassion rather than judgment, something shifted.

“That pushes me to want to show other people more love because I'm given compassion as well. “

Positive Breathing Journey 

One of the gifts Marquin brings to TEL and his wider educational community is his contemplative practice of Positive Breathing Journey, an offering Meena describes as uniquely Marquin and one that consistently lands deeply with the TEL community.

His approach reflects the authenticity at the center of his leadership: mindfulness not as something scripted or performed, but as something embodied.

Marquin with fellow Southfield Public Schools colleagues and TEL community members Paula Lightsey and Crystal Towns.

When they returned to Southfield, that shared experience became part of how they worked together.

“Approaching our jobs with the Transformative Educational Leadership direction allowed us to be better employees, better people as well.”

He describes their connection as more than professional collaboration.

“It’s like having a family that you work with, and I can be the eyes and ears for them, and they can be the eyes and ears for me.”

His relationship with Paula has been especially formative. Marquin describes her as mentor, guide, thought partner, and someone who has continually invited him to grow while remaining himself.

“When you know someone has your back, when you know someone’s rooting you on, when you know someone loves you, and you work with them, it’s a whole different ball game.”

Their relationship also reflects something Marquin values deeply: the ability to disagree without losing connection.

“We don’t always agree, but we understand why we disagree and we can honor that.”

For Marquin, TEL was a gift shared with him through relationship. That creates a responsibility to keep passing it forward.

“It was a gift from someone who loved me enough to share. So to honor that gift, I have to love enough to share my offerings, whatever they are.”

Letting Beloved Community Ripple Outward

For Marquin, beloved community does not end when a TEL gathering ends.

It travels with him into schools, meetings, neighborhoods, grocery stores, and everyday encounters with people he may barely know.

“TEL has filled me up so much that I have an abundance to pour out and spread to other people.”

He describes becoming more attentive not simply to what people say, but to what their presence may be communicating.

“It’s hearing those words and saying, ‘Wait a minute, that energy doesn’t match the word,’ and to dig a little deeper and say, ‘Hey, what’s really going on?’”

Sometimes, that attention creates an opening for profound connection.

Marquin recalls checking in with a father who initially said he was fine. Something told him to stop and ask again. The man eventually shared difficult news through tears, and Marquin stayed with him, listened, and offered care.

“TEL allowed me to be more in tune to hear those things from people and then provide care and service for them to the best of my ability.”

He sees the same possibilities in the smallest interactions. He tells the story of getting to know a grocery store cashier whose father was struggling with health issues. After talking about it over time, the two men eventually embraced.

“I said, ‘I love you, brother.’ And he said, ‘I love you too.’ This man was a stranger.”

For Marquin, that is beloved community in practice.

“You never know who’s going through something.”

“Save Some of You for Yourself”

Marquin’s commitment to caring for others is accompanied by an equally important lesson: remembering to care for himself.

Save some of you for yourself.

What you give to others is a mighty gift to give yourself.  You earned it. You deserve it. You know how. Don’t be stingy.  Be free with your giving. No need to ration it out. No need to put yourself on the clearance rack. 

Save some of you for yourself.

Writing has become one way he does that.

“For me, writing has always been therapeutic, a way to slow my brain down enough to say, ‘Here’s what I’m thinking that I can remember.’”

Many of the reflections he writes for others begin as lessons he needs to remember himself.

One phrase captures that beautifully:

“Save some of you for yourself.”

“As much as I go out into this world and pour out love and empathy, gratitude, I know I need to do that for me more.”

For educators and leaders whose work continually asks them to give, Marquin sees self-care not as separate from service but as part of sustaining it.

“We know the medicine that it takes for us to be successful. We know how to nurture ourselves back, and oftentimes we don’t do that enough.”

Belonging, Not Just Being Present

Marquin remembers encountering TEL before he officially became a Fellow and noticing something different.

He saw people who looked like him.

“I got a chance to see people in videos who looked like me, and I said, ‘Well, if he could be there, I could be there.’”

But representation was only part of what drew him closer.

“The entire room was filled with people who were just in love with being good people and being around good people.”

He felt something beyond simply being invited into a space.

“Not just, ‘I can go there,’ but ‘I belong there. These are my people. This is my tribe.”

Today, he speaks about TEL as a community that has given him both the freedom to offer more of himself and the nourishment to continue doing so.

“I do know that I get to be myself. And that makes me feel welcomed and wanted.”

Final Reflections

At TEL’s first All-Alumni Convening, Marquin experienced again what can happen when people doing their own inner work gather in community.

“I feel like I’m glowing,” he shared. “I feel so powerful.”

For him, that feeling comes from both within and between.

“It’s me doing work within and then being around other people who are powerful as well. So we get a chance to exchange energy.”

That gathering also gave him an opportunity to practice staying connected across differences. In a conversation with another alum whose views differed from his own, Marquin chose curiosity rather than judgment.

“My beliefs are my beliefs, their beliefs are their beliefs, and neither one of us have to be wrong. We could just be human.”

“We could just do this through love.”

For anyone considering TEL, Marquin offers an invitation grounded in his own experience:

“You’ll know when it’s your time.”

“TEL is something that will bring a lot out of you, but you have to be willing to open up your wings and be willing to go through what it takes to actually take off.”

And he reminds prospective Fellows that TEL is not simply about what they will receive.

“Consider what it has to offer you, but also consider what you have to offer it.”

Perhaps Marquin’s own description says it best:

“It’s warm, it’s friendly, it’s complicated. It’s everything that the world needs it to be.”

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